The maid of honor just puked.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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