wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
