If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
