The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My penis needs a shock collar
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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