I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
