Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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