the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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