our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
