You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They took my balls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
