Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
