the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
