I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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