Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
