Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
