Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
