Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
