You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
