his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
