Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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