haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
