yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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