You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
