please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
