Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
