Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Panties = found
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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