Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
