yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
