dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
