Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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