So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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