It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
