I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
