I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can't special order awesome
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm at about main and main street
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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