I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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