She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
