I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
