dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
