don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
