I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
