my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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