it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
