I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
