whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
