oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
