Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Boobs speak an international language.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
