Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
are you so shy because you have an std?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
