on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
