Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
