Your mouth is God's brothel.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
