What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
