my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
